You dream of making it through a whole day without any melt downs or mishaps.
You wake up early and make green smoothies for the kids while they quietly get ready for school upstairs. They cleaned up their room yesterday, so there's no trouble finding clothes or shoes to wear. They made their lunch the night before, so they're ready to go on time without any fuss. You peacefully drive them to school as they discuss their favorite parts of the Captain Underpants movie you just saw. You drop them off, then head off to work knowing that you won't receive any calls from the Vice Principal today because they were both in such a good mood. After a quick day at the office you head out to pick up your happy monkeys. As they get in the car they excitedly tell you about their day and then read the rest of the way home because they know you need some silence. As soon as you walk in the door at home they get out their homework and get started. You calmly answer any questions they have as you get dinner together. When your husband arrives, you all sit down to eat and take turns telling each other what you are grateful for that day. It occurs to you that you are grateful for your children and how loved they made you feel today.
That sounds amazing! BUT...
You're not just any mama, you're a highly sensitive mama.
Highly sensitive moms have it more difficult than some moms. You're sensitive to the loud singing and fun having, smelly socks, and visual chaos, affectionately known as Tornado Timmy. You really want to let your kids be kids, but it physically hurts to be in their vicinity some days. All you want is to read your Wayne Dyer book and escape to your hammock out back for some peace and quiet. You find it so hard to think with all the bickering that you frequently come home from the grocery store with random things in your bags. You feel guilty for not wanting to play transformers with your kids and worry they will grow up to hate you and put you in an old folks home rather than take care of you.
And you don't have just any kids, you have "spirited" kids.
"Spirited" kids dance to the beat of their own drum. They do everything with a louder voice and more passion than other kids. They don't just have a tantrum, they have a complete nuclear meltdown in the middle of the grocery store at the age of 8. They wind up in the Vice Principal's office more times than you can count. They can also be highly sensitive and lack the ability to recognize that they need their own quiet space to read the next Diary of a Wimpy Kid or create a comic. They take three times longer to do their homework and are so attached to video games that a war erupts as soon as the TV is turned off, even when you give them fair warning.
You worry so much it's overwhelming.
You find yourself wondering why your friends look at you funny when you tell them that you don't exactly enjoy being around your children. You feel like they are judging you all the time for your "lack of parenting skills", even though you've taken 5 classes and read 30 books on parenting. Your children are more difficult to deal with than most, and it's not because you're a bad mom, or even because you're highly sensitive. They're just a little bit different, which you find comforting because you're a little bit different. Being highly sensitive can also be awesome. You have the ability to know exactly how your kids are feeling just by the way they walk into a room. You can tell when they are scared about a dentist appointment, by the lack of noise as you drive to school. You're all a little bit different, but that's what makes you amazing.
Your dream day may not seem achievable right now, but I can assure you it is.
All you need to do is make the choice to remain calm when you're about to lose your shit. That's the easy part. You've read tons of self help books and you're quite familiar with all the mindfulness, breathing, and meditation techniques that will help you calm yourself. The hard part is remembering that you have that choice. There's a split second just before you lose it, when you make the choice to continue letting your emotions run the show, or calm yourself down and remember the mindful mama you want to be. The trouble is, a split second isn't much time. So how do you get more time? You use a symbol, a talisman, or good luck charm. Something that will trigger your brain to pause and allow you to switch from thinking with the back of your brain to thinking with the front of your brain (the part with self control).
What is this trigger you say?
Honestly, it can be anything, but I'm going to suggest it be something that is always around to avoid being without it. A necklace that hangs around your neck or a piece of art that hangs on the wall would work nicely. Especially if those pieces have a signature mantra, "What You Seek Is Within" on them. That mantra is something you can repeat to yourself as you're choosing to be the calm mindful mama in that split second. This is my secret. This is what I choose to do when I'm about to lose it with my spirited kids, and it has worked wonders for our relationship. Don't get me wrong, we still have our days that don't turn out so well, but they have significantly decreased from the everyday norm.
I am a highly sensitive mama with two boys diagnosed with ADHD.
I spent years frustrated with my own sensitivity and my children's behavior. Although I practiced mindfulness, I could never seem to remember to use those techniques in that split second I had to decide my path. I needed a symbol, a talisman, or a good luck charm. I had some experience in the past with something I coined "the hope charm" and I knew that I needed to create something similar for myself. The original signature mantra diffuser necklace was brought into existence by my need and wish to be a better mama.
Why this mantra?
I chose this particular mantra because after years of reading spiritual texts from the great masters, they all seemed to point us within. That is where the answers lay, and where the peace and happiness actually comes from, not outside of ourselves. This is the most important spiritual concept that I have ever learned and needed to remember on an hourly basis. Since creating this first product my life has increased in joy exponentially. I am able to remain calm when my children get in trouble at school. I can calmly speak to my children who are joyfully dancing and singing in my ear. And most importantly, I am able to remove myself from a situation that will cause me to want to scream. Every day I am rebuilding my loving relationship with my children. You can read the full story of how I learned to seek within over at my blog.
Try one of our symbols to see how they will work for you!
In peace and happiness,
You’re so welcome Stephanie! I have a passion for knowledge and helping people. It makes my heart happy. :-)
Cynthia, thank you for sharing your experiences & wisdom with us—your inspiration gives me hope. Thank you for seeking AND sharing: seeking within then sharing out (-;